Well, my most favorite person and best friend in the whole wide world just broke up with me 6 days ago. We spent an amazing 3 years together. Thats more than 1,095 beautiful days together. He said he was unhappy…this is my progress…im still deeply in love with him, i talk with him everyday, but more than anything….i pray non stop, all day everyday that he asks me back out. I know, sounds pathetic, but when u have your entire life mapped out to fit this person perfectly, and it looks and sounds perfect, and you can’t wait to start it, and all of a sudden it gets thrown out the window??? Its one hell of a scary time. 

He is my everything, and I’ve gone through so many possibilities as to why this has happened, maybe i say too much about his family, maybe i dont let him do enough stuff, maybe we fight too much, maybe im not sexual enough, maybe he feels not as manly because i make more money than he does, all of these things go through my head constantly. He cries with me almost everynight and tells me he loves me…and im wondering if he is waiting for me to say a certain thing that kind of makes him know that he will be happy with me. like….”be with me cause you want to be, not cause i need you to be” or “go out as much as u want, i trust you” or “sure, we can be friends after this is all said and done…” i would say all those, except the last….that would kill me. 

Today is day 6, and i have finally started to eat again. These past 6 days have felt like a month…and im not really any better….except the little hope he gives me about how he is thinking about getting back together with me….he says he goes back and forth between the answers…i feel like today is different though. maybe its just me being stupid, but im in love…and i just lost the one man i have ever loved, and ever will love….he is at work now…and i guess ill talk to him later. ill write more on tomorrow. 

Please God, let us get back together and be happier and stronger than ever….Amen.