Hey there, So since my last post, Brandon and I have reconciled our differences, and we are happier than we ever have before. We are to be married on October 5, 2012. (also my mum’s birthday). My brother has still not found his place in the world, but he isn’t really the focus I want for this new turn on my blog. Im going to try to write as often as I can and this is why…yesterday, doctors finally confirmed as far as they can that my dad has Pick’s Disease. For those of you who don’t know what that is, its a very rare form of dementia. Its a build up of protein in the brain cells, and eventually consumes the brain cells. Its very fast acting and once diagnosed, they have given my dad 2-3 years left to live. The usual life span living with picks is about 5-7 years. In the past two years that he has had it, the only way I can describe it in short, is to say his personality and everything about him has done a complete 180 degrees flip. Growing up, he was the head of the house. Strong willed, stubborn, and easily angered, full of energy, extremely hard working, caring, loving, happy, and very manly :) I love to remember him in that way. Growing up I was also a daddy’s girl n_n Now, after only two years, he sleeps all day, nothing really upsets, or makes him angry, concerned, or anything really. He doesn’t like to talk to anyone, his memory is going down hill, he does have gluttonous eating, but that is just one of the many symptoms of having picks, so he has gained a bit of weight, where he used to be very athletic and in shape. But, that’s just a little peek behind the family curtain…more on him later.

My mum. My mother, my friend. This has obviously been extremely hard on her, some family members, im sure myself included sometimes, don’t always help the situation. But she has decided to stand by him, take care of him, and love him for the rest of his days. How many women would you say could make that decision after everything we’ve been through…I guess you really could never know since there is no possible way to tell everything we have been through. But to begin…at first none of us understood what was going on with him, my mother especially. My dad and mum, for as long as they have been together, have been a team. Minimal fights, never in front of the kids, backing each others decisions no matter what, and supporting, and loving, and caring, and just being kind to each other. They have a true love, and that’s what I’ve always wanted. I knew from a very young age how lucky I was to have parent’s like mine, and knew that I wanted a love as strong as theirs one day. But when your rock, and your partner one day just doesn’t seem to care, becomes lazy, lies, acts weird in general…it takes a toll on everything and every aspect of your life together. We didn’t understand it, and I’m ashamed to admit it, but at first, we were not as understanding or nice. We were mean and confused and scared. We said hurtful things to him, and yelled. It was hard on all of us. I’ll never forgive myself, but how could you have known…ya know? But I don’t see that as an excuse, I just see it as for the rest of his life, I’ll make it up to him. 

well my hands are a little tired from typing and erasing, and typing some more. lol. so ill write more when im ready. but this is just the beginning…I want to help spread awareness of this or do what I can, so I guess Ill share my experience with it, and possible it will end up helping someone. 

love you dad. <3

love you mum. <3

love you little sister. <3

love you little brother. <3

love you fiance. <3 

Well, my most favorite person and best friend in the whole wide world just broke up with me 6 days ago. We spent an amazing 3 years together. Thats more than 1,095 beautiful days together. He said he was unhappy…this is my progress…im still deeply in love with him, i talk with him everyday, but more than anything….i pray non stop, all day everyday that he asks me back out. I know, sounds pathetic, but when u have your entire life mapped out to fit this person perfectly, and it looks and sounds perfect, and you can’t wait to start it, and all of a sudden it gets thrown out the window??? Its one hell of a scary time. 

He is my everything, and I’ve gone through so many possibilities as to why this has happened, maybe i say too much about his family, maybe i dont let him do enough stuff, maybe we fight too much, maybe im not sexual enough, maybe he feels not as manly because i make more money than he does, all of these things go through my head constantly. He cries with me almost everynight and tells me he loves me…and im wondering if he is waiting for me to say a certain thing that kind of makes him know that he will be happy with me. like….”be with me cause you want to be, not cause i need you to be” or “go out as much as u want, i trust you” or “sure, we can be friends after this is all said and done…” i would say all those, except the last….that would kill me. 

Today is day 6, and i have finally started to eat again. These past 6 days have felt like a month…and im not really any better….except the little hope he gives me about how he is thinking about getting back together with me….he says he goes back and forth between the answers…i feel like today is different though. maybe its just me being stupid, but im in love…and i just lost the one man i have ever loved, and ever will love….he is at work now…and i guess ill talk to him later. ill write more on tomorrow. 

Please God, let us get back together and be happier and stronger than ever….Amen.